How should we then speak?

Posted on Nov 16, 2017 in General |

Guns, race, rights, religion, politics, patriotism, freedom, equality, justice – Woof. Can we talk about these things? Should we talk about them? How do we talk about them? Who should we talk about them with? 

Talking is hard. For some it is literally difficult. Heck, I have a speech impediment that can turn the burger chain “Red Robin” into “Wed Wobin” if I am over-tired or talking too fast. Honest conversation about complex, nuanced issues with people of differing perspectives is even more challenging.  

Nonetheless, we all implicitly know the need to have conversations, to see others perspectives. We see the need in the way we parent: “Johnny, how would you feel if Suzy took your train while you were playing with it?” “Timmy, how do you think that made Betty feel?” “Use your words.” We train children from a young age to see others’ perspective, to empathize, and to converse. 

We recognize the need for conversation, for perspective in the way that we communicate the value of education. Proclaiming, “Readers are Leaders” we indoctrinate young minds with Dr. Seuss who stated, “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” Conversation, which is implicit in reading and in all learning, requires exposure to different perspectives. 

What’s more, we all want to be heard. We get irritated when interrupted, or become defensive when others misunderstand or project something onto us. It may be the reason we shut down, or cease to engage with others in the first place. No ones listening. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology examined tension between Israelis and Palestinians along with those between Mexican Immigrants and white Arizonians. Through the study they found that being heard by the “opposing group” mutually improved their attitudes toward each other, especially in the case of the “disempowered group.” We need to listen. 
 
There are some things we should never compromise on, but maybe by asking questions and having conversations, we’ll realize that there is some grey, some nuance, where we once saw black and white. That there are thoughts and perspectives we can learn from. Studies have consistently shown that diverse groups are more effective at solving complex problems than a homogenous group. Differences in perspectives and experiences naturally cause people to consider solutions from different angles. We’re “smarter” when we approach complex issues with the insights of different people. 

What’s more, for those of us with a biblical worldview we can’t help but see the wisdom in hearing others out, even when it’s difficult. You need look no further than Jesus. Fully God, fully man, and he was always asking questions, always listening. We see throughout Scripture admonishments to listen, to seek others perspectives: Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:17); the wise acquire knowledge (Proverbs 18:15); but the fool takes no delight in understanding (Proverbs 18:2); the wise listens and increases in learning (Proverbs 1:5); but a fool answers before he hears (Proverbs 18:13). Listening is important to God. Listening to people with other perspectives is important to God. 

How should we then speak?

  • Find trusted individuals who are different than you. (Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 27:5-6)
  • Stay humble. Don’t assume you know it all. (Proverbs 15:12, Proverbs 18:17, Proverbs 25:12)
  • Recognize that what you say and how you say it matters. (Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 18:21, Proverbs 18:6-7) 
  • And, after trying the above, recognize that sometimes it may be appropriate to walk away. (Matthew 7:6, Proverbs 26:4)